Marriage is an intimate union of a man and a woman which is legally & religiously recognized in which they live together, have a mutual conjugal relationship and share responsibilities resulting in the formation of a family.It is considered holy as it is embedded in the heavenly plan of creation.The partners pledge themselves to each other and hold the responsibility of family standing side by side next to each other.
In India, marriages are of primarily two types.
- Arranged Marriage – It is organized by the elder members of the family.
- Love Marriage – It is organized by couples after they fall in love and later accepted by parents.
The concept of Arranged marriage is discussed in length
Arranged Marriage is considered as a wedlock between the families and not two persons. The complete procedure is generally organized by parents and the elder members of the family. Many families continue to maintain this tradition but in today’s generation,most people resist the idea of their wedding pre-fixed by their parents. For Most modern-thinking people, getting hitched in an arranged manner appears as if they are surrendering their freedom and right to choose. Thus these are not very common these days.
Nevertheless, listed here are merits and demerits of arranged marriage
1. Parental choice and discretion
- Merits – Parents have full control over the course of marriage and they choose who is going to marry their kids therefore the stress of liking the spouse or the approval of in-laws is diminished. Marriage criteria’s are fixed usually communicated to friends and family.
- Demerits–In these affairs, when parents arrange everything, the individual’s choice is not considered. This leads to a lack of understanding between partners.
2. Family bonds
- Merits – Since it is planned by parents it can be very safely assumed that both parties get along together and subsequently they like spouse-to-be which is chosen for you. Therefore, tensions with In-laws is unlikely.The inter-family relationship is good and there is an opportunity for family get-togethers.
- Demerits–The families are so deeply involved with each other during the course of wedding that it may result in interference with practically everything in the marriage up to the point of interrupting the privacy and eventually compromising your independence. In most of the cases, the parents are to blame in case the marriage does not work.
3. Finding “The One”
- Merits–In arranged marriage, you have only one choice – that is to get married to the one chosen for you. Also, people who are not confident in interacting with other people do not have to worry when they are arranged.This makes a lot of stress and anxiety run out of life.
- Demerits – Undoubtedly, this system deprives an individual of the thrill of courting. Dating phase is taken out of the equation when you have an arranged marriage.You hardly get the opportunity to figure out your spouse-to-be. In some cases, one may only get to know the spouse-to-beon the wedding day itself which is very critical. Chances are that you may not like the person who was chosen for you.
4. Sustainsthe Values and Traditions
- Merits–Age-old traditions and values are followed and it makes you closer to the roots. It safeguards the legacy of your culture or belief system, and ensures that you and your spouse share the same values.
- Demerits –There is No Diversity in an Arranged marriage as it primarily focuses on safeguarding the tradition and legacy of the culture alive. Unfortunately, this means that people from other cultural backgrounds are not accepted.
- Merits – Families that settle on an arranged marriage normally have the same culture & background. Therefore the children will grow up immersed in the same culture and background. Also, the children are well taken care of by the in-laws. They are nourished with care, love and affection from even when the parents are away.
- Demerits – It can prove to be a hindrance in the over-all development of children. They are taught about the same cultures and backgrounds and hardly explore other cultures and their mind grows in one-track without any stimulation to think in new ways. They grow to be more stringent and orthodox about their culture.
6. Finding love in arranged marriage
- Merits–Love grows and lasts forever when you develop mutual understanding and admiration for each other. Both persons are stranger to each other before but after marrying, they start feeling for each other and eventually love, trust and affection become visible.
- Demerits–Mostly marriages are arranged to grow the family. So love takes a backseat and is not a priority. At times takes a long time to develop. Chances are that you may keep waiting for love to grow. This can lead to despair, desolation, and separation. As the parents like the person and both families agree to the arrangement, it does not matter whether you love the person or not.
7. Marriage Stability
- Merits – The selection of the spouse-to-be is done by the elders and the other person is usually from the same cultural background therefore, the union becomes more stable.
- Demerits – The partners may feel difficult to adjust with each other or their families.At times the living standard of the in-laws is different and it may become a hindrance to the marriage stability.
8. Money Matters
- Merits – It is obvious that parents will choose someone who is well settled. Equal education, social status and financial stability is seen before match is made. It is easier to get financial help from parents at time of need.
- Demerits – Dowry systems prevails and may lead to misapprehension between both the parties. Elders mutually decide about the give and take policy where daughter and money is exchanged for a highly qualified, well-settled groom.It has hostile consequences at times such as torture and burning the bride.
- Merits –Since the partners don’t know each other so well, consequently the expectation from each other will be lower at the outset of the relationship. It is seen that when expectations are low they are most likely met or exceeded.
- Demerits – The groom’s family has lot of expectations. Barring dowry, they expect a lavish wedding and gifts, beautiful, fair and educated girl. Parents also spend to keep up the prestige for the sake of the happy marital life of their kids.
10. Sense of commitment
- Merits – Commitment to stick to each other brings the two people closer to each other and gradually trust and understanding builds up.
- Demerits – At times, people feel bogged down because they feel that they are being dragged into this relationship and they only have to stick to each other because they got married in front of so many people. So it becomes more of a social obligation then a personal commitment.
Marriage is a gamble, be it arranged or love. There is no surety of future as it’s uncertain. The parents should thoughtfully decide on the criteria as it is a matter of a lifetime of their kids. One wrong move can result in complications. Over a period of time, with love and respect the relationship can bloom.