How To Handle a Wife or Husband in India

I actually feel it is kind of weird to learn or read about how to handle a wife or husband. A family is really a kingdom where the husband has the duties of a king and wife has the duties of a minister. But, most of the people believe that the husband is a king and the wife a queen. Yeah, it is right, however, it has been observed that majority of the stable families have a head, the one person who takes up the duties and execute the duties at the right time. A kingdom without a king, queen or a head would never succeed in anything.

There are billions of people on earth today, which includes men, women, and children. Each of them has a different character trait and these traits cannot be perfectly grouped or generalized, so, it is pretty impossible to create a complete guide on how to handle people. Especially when it is about how to handle a wife and husband, no one has ever succeeded in creating a complete guide or set of steps, however, for the past few decades’ people have been trying to study the human behaviour and they have succeeded in generalizing few of the character traits in men and women. Remember, these tips and steps are just some general ideas that could be used to mold a good character which could help you in leading a fruitful and happy life.

PS: Every tips and step that are mentioned below should be improvised wisely according to the situation and the character of the partners.

How to manage your wife

Marriages are an emotional bond between two persons of opposite sex. Yeah, till now the legal marriages in India is limited to opposite sex only. The future of any marriages cannot be predicted under any circumstances, it totally depends on how good both partners understand each other, adapt to the situations and each other’s character. So, how can you make your married life fruitful and happy?? You cannot fake happiness and succeed; the best natural way to understand the facts and tips of leading a successful married life is to observe the people around you. Observing successful married people can help you learn and protect your relationship from the experience of others. Sometimes despite all the effort, adverse circumstances arise. In such situation try improvising and applying the knowledge to the situation, if you don’t succeed take an expert advice from the elder or attend counseling and tackle the issue pragmatically.

Like I mentioned earlier marriage is an emotional bond and life is a long journey. No one can expect life to move on without difficulties and adverse circumstances. A good husband is the one person who can tackle any such situations with utmost care without hurting anyone in the family.

Now, here are some of the circumstances and things in a married life that can annoy you or irritate you

  • Male friend of your wife keeps annoying you
  • Frequent telephonic conversation with parents and siblings
  • She blames your family members and their culture
  • She takes everything very seriously and she is sensitive
  • She tries to control you or dominates you
  • She wants to leave the maternal home or the in-laws
  • She likes wearing clothes that she likes and doesn’t care what you prefer
  • She behaves childish and immature
  • She wants to work and wants to be independent from you
  • She is egoistic
  • She earns more than you
  • She does not prefer cooking food for you
  • She is a lair
  • She pays no attention to your well-being
  • She loves to drink
  • She loves to hang out/shop and does not care about saving money for the future
  • She is rude and impolite to in-laws
  • She keeps nagging you
  • She argues with you for silly matters
  • She lacks self-respect

Most of you might feel the issues mentioned above to be silly and improper. But, these are the issues that frequently mark the beginning of drastic problems that commonly ends with divorce or more severe consequences. Below mentioned are some of the best tips and steps that could be followed and improvised according to the situation to prevent the above-mentioned issues getting bigger.

  • You should observe your wife and understand her character and behaviour
  • If she doesn’t like being in the kitchen cooking for you, do not force her. Take an up hand and gently invite her to cook with you and prepare the dishes together.
  • No matter how worse her character may be, try to adapt to her character and respect her. PS: this doesn’t mean that you should give up your dreams and let her do everything like her wish. Use your common sense and work accordingly.
  • You should not disclose any negative aspect of your family or convey any comments about her family without understanding her character and behaviour. Some woman takes such negative things seriously and acts accordingly which could eventually lead to a total mess in the family. PS: once you are comfortable with her character and behaviour, there is no issue disclosing any matters.
  • Like I mentioned earlier if you find your wife to be feeling insecure, always give high priority to working to remove the insecurity from the wife’s mind.
  • You should feel comfortable to invite her friends to your place for a dinner or lunch and get to know each other.
  • You, as a husband can observe her friends no matter what their gender is and discourage her from continuing the relationship if, you feel it would harm your life. PS: don’t rush in doing so, observe carefully and understand what they really mean to your wife and behave accordingly. After all, it’s her personal choice and does not try to force her frequently.
  • Like mentioned above, you can ask or suggest your wife to avoid some friendships, however, presently people are more educated and they would have the knowledge of everything happening around them. But, if you seriously don’t like a relationship or friendship your wife is engaged in, you should make it clear what you think about and the consequences that would follow if she doesn’t respect your words. PS: this does not mean that, as a husband you have the right to forbid her from having friends. Try being in her position and then decide.
  • You should make it clear that the marriage is a bond and you consider your in-laws valuable and the same way she should consider her in-laws valuable too. You should take an up hand to make her understand that improper and unwise criticism of our family or her family can cause great damage and instability in their life.
  • If she wants to work and live independently away from the in laws, you should not ask her to drop both these dreams. Make her understand the value of living with the whole family and the demerits of living independently. Ask her to be flexible and find ways to fulfill her own dreams and the family. Do not interfere in the matters concerning her work or her salary.
  • If she wants her family to come stay with your family, make her understand the issues that both you and your wife could face. Let her know that she can visit them every now and then and you are ready to do any kind of help that includes financially supporting her family if they need it.
  • You should make aware your parents about her character and how she reacts to different things and ask them to behave accordingly. If you feel she doesn’t like them, behave wisely and ask your parents not to nag her or try anything that could build up a conflict between them.
  • If you feel your wife is childish or immature, avoid telling her this. You should take up the responsibility in making her more mature. Start giving her small responsibilities and make her understand the trust you place in her and her talents. Convey what you expect from her. Initially never try to get angry at her or criticise her, be polite and gentle and let her know what went wrong and how she can improvise.
  • if she still can’t change her childish behaviour, talk to her and if she is willing to change herself and if she is okay with some external help, with her total consent arrange a grooming expert or a trainer that can help her build a good personality, help her take up responsibilities etc.
  • If she likes hanging out and shopping and if it is on the money your earned, make her understand the value of money and saving money. If she enjoys shopping on her own hard earned money, do not interfere. However, let it be your or her hard earned money, let her know the value of it and how saving the money can benefit you and her in the future. PS: Do not control her, let her shop once in a while no matter who earns the money. It is important to use your common sense and behave in such circumstances. It is unwise to ask her never to go shopping or hang out.
  • If she doesn’t care about your well-being, take some time and make her understand what you expect from her. If she still does not care, attend a counselling sessions.
  • If she likes to drink or smoke and if you are okay with it let her do it, because it is her personal choice, however, make her understand the effect of smoking and drinking on her health. If you do not like it, covey it politely and ask her to avoid it. Make her understand why you do not like it and tell her the consequences if she does not respect your wishes.

Now the above-mentioned are some of the key things you should know to handle your wife. With all these things being told

  • Love
  • Care
  • Politeness
  • Understanding
  • And respect

These are the basic factors that help in maintaining fruitful and successful married life.

How to manage a husband

Like I mentioned earlier, marriage is an emotional bond between two persons. This bond is made stronger through love, care, sacrifices, and understanding. Both the partners have an equal role in their relationship. However, no relations are perfect and without problems. Here are some of the common circumstances and problems a wife might face that can irritate you.

  • He might prefer eating food cooked by you
  • He blames your family and the culture you grew in
  • He doesn’t like accompanying you for shopping
  • He doesn’t like to hang out with you
  • He controls you too much
  • He hesitates to meet your parents and forbids you from meeting them
  • He doesn’t take up hand in purchasing household supplies
  • He won’t help you inkitchen
  • He prefers taking advices from his parents rather than making decision all by himself
  • He doesn’t listen to anything you ask him to do for you
  • He leaves the closet and bedroom messed up
  • He invites all his friends for lunch or dinner, but, hesitate to invite your friends to the same
  • He does not save any money and does not think about the future of the family
  • He is dependent on you for everything.
  • He smokes and drinks
  • He gets angry at you for silly matters
  • He feels insecure about you.
  • His parents keep nagging you
  • He doesn’t allow you to work and earn yourself.

These are some of the common issue faced by a wife in India and most of them react to these issues in a way that can make the issues worse and eventually end up in a divorce. Here are some tips and steps that you could follow and can improvise to tackle the circumstances mentioned above.

  • Most of the husbands prefer eating food cooked by their wife’s it is a common character trait found in Indian husbands. If you have an issue in cooking food for him, let him know. Ask him to help you in the kitchen. Make him understand your reasons and find out a solution to the issue.
  • If he hesitates to meet your parents or ask you not to meet them, ask him the reason politely and talk to him. Earn his trust and explain what it means to you if he meets your parents. Make him understand rather than irritating him. PS: once you are married, you are to be settled with him and his parents and asking him to meet your parents frequently can annoy him and his parents.
  • Most of the men don’t like shopping like a woman does. He would do anything to avoid such circumstances. So, you better explain why you need to go shopping and if he hesitates still, go shopping with your friends. PS: prefer going shopping with your friends that your husband trusts. Most of the husbands are okay with such things. Remember, you break his trust it is difficult to gain it back and vice-versa.
  • Few of the husband’s leave their rooms and closet messed up and you would have to keep sorting it up. Take your time, be gentle, and explain to him how hard it is to sort his closet and room frequently.
  • One of the most common issues faced by Indian woman is that their husbands control them and hesitate to invite your friends to dinner or lunch. Do not worry, ask him why and try to communicate with him and understand why he doesn’t like it. Most of the husbands don’t like such circumstances because of insecurity and lack of understanding. So, take your time talk to him politely and make him understand and earn his trust. Even after all your effort, he doesn’t change, consider attending counselling sessions.
  • Most of the men control and forbids their wife’s from doing certain things because of insecurity and things that they believe can hurt a woman physically and emotionally, in such circumstances you should talk to him and understand why he feels insecure and explain your point of view and earn his trust.
  • Men prefer saving cash for future, however, if you feel like he is irresponsible and wastes his money on unnecessary things, makes him understand the importance of saving. Covey the consequence they might face if he doesn’t save the money for future.
  • If he forbids you from spending your hard earned money or interferes in matters of your work and salary and if it irritates you let him know your emotions. Explain what you feel and why you spend the money. PS: this doesn’t mean that you should keep spending money unnecessarily, saving money for the future can make you and your husband more financially stable.
  • Most of them men avoid smoking or drinking. If you find your husband doing it and if you don’t like it, let him know. Explain the effect it has on his body. PS: if he has a limit in drinking and smoking, do not force and nag him. Be gentle and polite and talk to him. If it’s worse, talk to the in-laws and prefer taking him for treatment in a de-addiction center or any such institutions.
  • Today, most of the husbands do not forbid their wife’s from perusing their dreams or work to earn for themselves and family. However, some husbands do not allow. In such circumstances ask him why he doesn’t let you work; make him understand that both the partners working can improve their families financial background. PS: be polite and take your time to make him understand.

I can’t promise you that you would be able to tackle any circumstances or issues in your married life.If you follow the tips and steps mentioned above. You have to improvise on every above-mentioned tips and step with the current circumstances using your experience and common sense.

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